Reviving the 22 years old in me

I was 22 when I left France to move to Sweden, and I still remember thinking "what the f* are you doing?". Why would I want to leave everything behind? I guess mainly because I felt like I had lost myself in a cliché of me and wanted to become Me again. So I packed and pretended I was not sad and I left.

And when I got there, I figured, what the heck. Nobody knows me, nobody expects anything from me, I can be whoever I want. So I became, somehow, this crazy Frenchie. I did stuffs I had no idea I could do or even wanted to do and basically I just had fun. While I was trying this new me out, other people were there too. Maybe they were trying to find themselves again too o whatever but we lived and experienced all of it kinda the same way. So I let down my guard and decided I did not want to be perfect and good, just me... So that's what I did.

Since then, 5 fricking years have passed (5!) and I was thinking of how much has changed and how much hasn't:

• I do not go partying every week-end (or 5 times a week) like I used to and I don't even think that my body could take it... I actually also enjoy going out with friends gemütlich- even if i am not hangovered the next day (because I am not hangovered the next day?).
• Now, i have a serious Boyfriend, known on this blog as Boyfriend (that's because I am a creative person). He is hot, he is smart and he is funny, ...BUT he does not like pink or shopping, he listens to totally different kind of music and has a different opinion on almost everything. Still, weirdly, we just click. In the end, he is the only guy that could tame me and / or stand me for more than a couple of months/weeks. And vice versa and that is a big change.
• I also have a serious job, in which I am supposed to take "important" decision, negotiate, be mean and bitchy sometimes (not that I don't like it, you know me). But in a few words, It is a very grown up job.
• I have my own appartment (I don't share an appartment anymore) that I actually clean every week, yes M'am. My fridge is not empty with only one aging tomato, a frozen pizza and two bottles of vodka but actually has vegetables and fresh meat in it. My mom is so proud of me. I do keep some vodka in my freezer though.
• I now also take the time to remove my make-up before going to bed and I almost never wake up after 13:00 on Sundays.
• I am invited to three weddings this sommer already and it is not even weird (THAT is a growing up sign, trust me)

So I kinda changed, I grew up a little, well ok, grew up a lot. I did all the catching up I had to do and I am getting closer and closer to a grown up. But so are most of my friends.

Somehow, despite all that and all this changes, I still feel like I felt when I was 22. I feel like this girl, a tad crazy and totally improvising depending on what comes up. I don't FEEL like a grown-up despite the fact that most people see me like that, and I am wondering / hoping I will still feel like that when I am 80 cuz I am definitely having my fun pretending.