Driving home for Christmaaaaaas

In my case that was flying. Waking up: 3h30. Awesome. I was not tired at all. I was supposed to go to bed at 8pm... At ten i was still bouncing in my room on Pink last album (part of my working out program).

I am already not a morning person usually but waking up that early knowing that i am gonna have a full day of travelling-during-christmas-time-you-idiot-stress did not help putting a smile on my face. And the 4€ disgusting Latte Machiato did not either.

Queuing 40 minutes to check in my suitcase was tough. At least i made it to respect the under 20kg rule...very cruel on my opinion but it is not like Air France care about what i think.

When i (finally) sat down in the plane i had to seat next to this HUUUUUGE guy taking all the space he could from MY personnal space. Breathe in, Breathe out.

You are going home You are going home You are going home You are going home.

Then the thought of my family during last Christmas popped into my mind. Alright. Breathe in, Breathe out.

It is only a week, It is only a week, It is only a week, It is only a week.

Put a smile on your face. Try harder. Here we go. Oops, i think i just scared a kid. Hey... Someone started talking to me. A french girl. Talking in German. Oh noooo, bad luck, i have the wrong seat and i have ti seat next to this hot guy. Well, i guess i can do that... All relieved i move to the right seat... which turned out to be not that a good decision.

This guy looked like if he was about to strangle this poor 8-years old kid in front of us. Ok the kid is not exactly quiet, but still. you only have two choices in case of Kids turbulences:

1. Breathing in and out, slowly, until you calm down

2. Freaking out, and looking like a monster because you hate a kid.

He picked 2, Bad choice. He grabbed the kid hands and whispered a "now calm or i ll be mean". Bad luck, the hostess heard it. Yeah yeah try to explain to the others that YOU are not the monster, and that this kid is the Antechrist. Never works. NEVER!

i thought ok, i have an unfriendly neighbour, but i can handle that. Obviously he was also a christmas-hater. Maybe he was going back to his family too...? So lost in my thought trying to answer "how comes one can be so unfriendly without saying much", the hostess brought the breakfast. This is the good thing with air France, they always bring you some food. I got croissant and coffe. And milk.

Pause. So at this moment, i had no reasons to be scared to die from anything else than a plane crash. Because it is the main death cause in a plane. Right.

Play. i open the milk, and can you picture me, almost never clumsy... I spilled some on my neighbour s jacket. I could have screamed "nooooooooo" and jumped on him in slow motion to protect him, instead i stayed paralyzed in my seat, one thought in my mind "Merde, Merde, Merde. Think straight, in God s name think straight".

I grabbed a tissue and took off the milk from the leather jacket. In the end there were no harm. For the jacket. i cleaned up fast so i tried a shy sorry and then, i took the wrong decision. I tried to be friendly and (kind of) funny and dropped a "i heard milk is good for leather". Wrong decision but it is too late. The guy looked at me in astonishment, and let me know he did not look too friendly when astonished... He dropped a " so you are also very stupid?". wow. Dont be that kind, i am gonna get spoiled. I smiled and said " no. i am just clumsy but at least my mom gave me an education and i did not become a rude person". no need to say we did not exchange numbers.

apart from that, the most entertaining event of the flight was this little girl who, when offered a Bretzel for Breakfast, started shouting "noooooooooooooooooo i do not want a Bretzel, Bretzel suuuuuuuuck, i want a croissaaaaaaaaaant!", until she got one. Well done girl, show them what s breakfast!

Galliano's Vogue

Vogue, THE fashion magazine always has a special edition for the December / January magazine. This year, they did even better than any other year and it is Galliano who was put in charge... after the first moment of excitation, i put myself together and went to buy it.

i would strongly advise you to do the same: you won't regret it!

The Art of Writing a Club- Hit

You are young and beautiful, and you want to be a star. Or you just want to be a star. You can do it! You probably do not have much talent (no offense) so the easiest strategy would be to produce a club hit.

First, understanding your purpose. Yeah you want to make money and get famous but to achieve this you need to be able to make people not only dance, but also make them…(let s be nice) full of desire for a partner. And I am not really talking about love.

So you start with the “melody”. The beat has to be intense loud, and most of all it should be an explicit bang bang. When it comes to the music itself, it should be catching and repetitive to get your audience set up for dancing in the first ten seconds. You know you achieved it when your song is played and that the group of Barbies in the back scream with delight “yuuuhu”, clapping hands and running to the dancefloor. The guys with shapeless pants should be raising up and putting down their arms, they DO think it is dancing.

Writing the lyrics. It is the tough part. It takes a real talent, happily it is no problem at all to have almost the same lyrics than all the others, because they make money (and you do not change a winning team, right?).

So you have to “talk” about a club cuz this is where you are gonna be played and people do not REALLY need creativity. The plot should be how you are gonna get laid in the end. What am I saying? Sorry…how you are gonna find love… Never underestimate your audience ;-).

If you are a girl you have to explain ho you “and your girls” are so hot and so gorgeous and so well dancing (yuhhuuuu they are playing the Black Eyed Peas, clap hands clap hands). But your eyes are staring at THE guy. And oh, he is dancing alone and you, of course you can’t stop moving your hips, no you can not help it blabla. Easy going. A bit of whispering is always good. Ultimately, when you want to have an outrageous success you can also moan a bit in the background, in case anyone would have missed the message.

If you are a guy, you first have to find a singing partner. Preferably a black guy with a lot of muscles and a really deep and hot voice. He is not reaaaaaaally gonna sing, he d rather repeat (with his deep and hot voice) what you just sing. Alright. “Move your hips girl” is a good gimmick. Alternatively you can use Ladies/ babes or put a sexy as an adjective in front of any word you could choose to use to refer to the sexy-women-babes in the room-club-disco.

Your plot is how you get ALL the ladies. For example, with conversations and Hennessy. Well this one is taken but it is easy to find another brand).
And yeah, it is ok if you are ugly, this is why you give the girls-suga-sexy-babes some alcohol (take something strong though).

Back to the lyrics, I would suggest to use very sophisticated metaphores. For example, inspire yourself of Eminem, his poetic “I get more ass than a toilet seat” is a killer.

Any case: Advice your audience ho to behave, because they do not know. They are poor young single people stuck in a smoky club, they are at least half drunk and they are desperate to find a bit of lovin. So easy message there too:The girls have to shake their booties, their hips and whatever else they have and the guys have to pay them drinks.

Now that the people know what to do, and in case that would not work from their first time using your super tips, you have to repeat your message through a video broadcasted every 15 minutes on MTV and in Macdonalds. I mean, do not feel bad about it, it is exactly like educating people.

So…your teaching video. Do I need to mention the hot chicks shaking booties in hot pants and bikinis? Not really right? It has to follow the “plot”. It happens in the disco and it has to teach people how to shake, rub and make out. Sorry I meant dance – do not know what s wrong with me today, I keep on miss-typing.

Do not forget to maintain your dirty image by having videos of you having wild sex circulating or by getting arrested for destroying a club while having an orgie. It always increases the sales.

That should be it. You should become soon a famous star adored by the whole youth and making tons of money. Next time I scream yuhu and clap my hands in my mini-skirt in a club, I hope it is because of you.

This post is dedicated to the very very very hot dark-haired stranger in the Rakete (Nürnberg) that liked my "pair of socks" and whose number i should definitely have asked.

What and who are you blogging for?

It is been now 10 months I am having this blog and that I am writing craps in here on a regular basis. or at least i try to make it regular.

I have been also reading a bunch of blogs, more or less regularly and it became obvious to me that people expect different things from their blog.

The common basis is this narcissic thought that someone would be interested in what you write (hidden there: you are yourself interesting). I am not gonna lie: I do have this thought too. Otherwise I would just be writing a secret diary: “Dear Diary, today the guys from Team Europe were mean again to me…” (nur ein Witz guys).

No, the thing is that consciously or not, and I would tend to say consciously, we all think that what we write is interesting. What does make the difference though is for who do we think it is interesting and thus, who do we write for?

I am not having secret ambitions to publish later on my blog as a book cuz my life is not as interesting as Belle de Jour’s. I do not even pretend that it is interesting for expatriates either cuz then I should write more about the German culture and less about shopping. No I think some people are doing good enough in that, and I do not need to produce a pale copy of pre- existing blogs because some do it really well. I just do not feel like I would bring anything relevant, and keep it secret but not EVERYTHING I say is interesting.

I am not trying to increase my traffic, do not really care how may pages hits this week or whatever, and I am not willing either to make out of his blog a fancy website with interactive things and complete strangers giving their opinion on my opinion. So I would say I am writing mostly for my friends and also for whoever end up there by accident. Of course my ego do appreciate comments from strangers, even more flattering as I think the strangers mean it and do not try to please me like my best friends could do (And by the way, you all know guys that my ego is big enough ;-) ). My blog is also a way to keep in touch and just show them what s up in my life, or that I did not change lol. That would be the official version, the one that I can say outloud.

When it comes to unofficial statements, well I have to say I don’t know. If I were really writing only for my friends, I guess I would send emails (or mass emails). So there must be something else that pushes me to write in public what I did and how I feel. As I said, ego is a part of it too and I would not even dare denying it.

Though I know that most of the times, when I write something, I do not plan it. I just suddenly feel like writing about something that I have in the mind and just go for it. I have an unbelievable number of “articles” that are and will remain unpublished (too sensitive, too daring, too boring, too whatever I feel). I have this one about me falling in love in the metro twice a week, this one about what I think of the bible’s view on sex and women, this one about THE guy and a bunch of others articles which quality and content are highly variable.

I do not publish them but I wrote them thinking I would. I think blogging is a way to express yourself and to take out feelings out of your heart and body, write them noir sur blanc and deal with them. It also allows to deal with them in a more neutral way than talking to a friend because your way of telling is always, would you wish it or not, biased by the person in front of you and what you know about him/her. Writing for unknown people, or at least not a pre-defined person does change the writing and consequently, the thinking.

Any human being needs to express itself, which does not mean looking for recognition or fame but purely and simply talking out loud. It does not really matter if there is someone to listen. The world wide web gives this chance to those that do not have the talent to be novelist, poets or musicians. I find it très très cool.

21st Century boy

yeaaaaaaaah Mr Germany was elected and i have to say, he looks very... hum... SMART ;-)

His name his Dennis, he is 26, and well, as i say, if he was in my bed i would not sleep in the bathtube. we got there a very nice eye candy. of course they are gonna try to make us believe he is single, cuz it is exactly like a miss, it does not sell that well when it is taken. that s ok, we can just have a look at him and admire his whole...smartness.

i am kind of offended though as i was not part of the jury, but next year for sure i dedicate myself to the German nation and i spend days checking out guys :-) ... for Germany.

More info (and a pic!!!!): http://www.stern.de/lifestyle/leute/:Mr.-Germany-Der-Sch%F6nste-Berlin/578752.html

Could i spend 18 billions?

My shopaholic abilities have been challenged by two colleagues that say i could not spend 18 billions. Sure I could.

The founder of Red Bull, Dietrich Mateschitz, is leading an empire of 18 billions and he does not know what to do with this money (poor him), so he bought himself a mountain. I think it is a kind of depressing purchase because I would not know what do with a mountain.
He also bought a lot of different sport teams…of course I could do with really hot guys in shorts but I think it does not give you the right to make them strip on your birthday, right? So a bit pointless.

My challenge would be: could I make it to spend it all? Knowing that if you invest the money only at a 3% rate (so rather secure one) you would just get for DOING NOTHING 5,400,000 euros. That s a lot of zeros but they do make a difference…funnily. So just to keep you money the same as from the beginning of the year, you would need to spend 1,479,452 euros a day. So you HAVE TO spend one and a half million a day just not to get richer. Life could be worse I guess.

Now here comes the challenge: could I spend all that per day, could I even get less rich than what I was in the beginning and maybe even spend it all? I am not saying that if I had 18 billions I would try to spend it all because my dad would again “inform me of his strong disapproval on (my) money management” and there is no point spending that much money anyway but for the beauty of the challenge, I would consider it and honestly: I can.

We have been talking about it over and over, there a re a bunch of things I could spend my money on, and honestly thinking of all those shopping opportunities is a delight. Try this and you ll be in a good mood for the whole week.